Beautifully Weird

So how was the trip? I’ve been asked this many times since I got back late Friday night. Honestly, I’m not sure how to answer that because although it was beautiful and relaxing and enjoyable, it was also weird and lonely.

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I got there around 9pm Monday evening and pulled up to valet because I honestly couldn’t find the daily parking and I needed help with my bags. I sat in my car and waited as one valet completely ignored me. So I took the initiative and got out of my car and began unloading my luggage. Still no help. After I had gotten everything out (I had bought water, Diet Coke, etc… at Walmart) I stood there waiting. Finally a different valet comes up and gets my keys and helps me inside where he promptly left me to check in and get my stuff up to my room by myself.  After a bit of a struggle (I’m sure it was comical to watch me) I got to my room and promptly changed into pjs. I felt insignificant and like a burden because of the way the valet treated me. Interestingly enough, no one else got treated that way. I watched as they happily helped 2 other couples and a family valet. Weird and lonely.

Since I got there late Monday evening, I didn’t do anything until Tuesday. I couldn’t even see the ocean yet because it was so dark. Bummer. The next morning, I slept in a little and then got up ready to find some sustenance and claim my bit of sand for the day. I proceeded to go to 3 different places before I decided what I wanted to eat. Wierd. You would think it would be easier to decide since I was by myself but for some reason this was difficult. I finally made my choice, ate and made my way to the beach. This was my view and it was beautiful. Relaxing.

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I laid in this spot for a while….reading, napping, swimming in the ocean, and people watching…. very relaxing and very enjoyable. Eventually I became hungry and thirsty. So I gathered my things and headed to the poolside restaurant. Party of 1 please. Weird and lonely.

Once I ate my very late lunch, I headed to the pool where I enjoyed relaxing in the sun and more people watching. I noticed that I am surrounded by families with loud children who like to throw things in the pool, including themselves. But then I spot this couple who are obviously alone – no kids – but married. They occasionally show some PDA but nothing over the top or disgusting. It was clear they loved each other. And as much as it hurt to watch, it was also so beautiful to watch. Oh how I wanted that to be Todd and I, relaxing together in the pool. Well…. I began to feel like a creepy stalker so I decided to go back to my room for a while.
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Wednesday and Thursday went almost exactly the same. Each day I saw this couple and each day it hurt a little to watch them, yet I couldn’t look away. Each day I sat in silence because everyone was there with their family or spouse and I was not. Lonely. I had very few interactions where I got to speak with anyone other than to order food. Weird. I’m not used to being that quiet and no one who knows me is used to that either!

Thursday I made a spa appointment and that was heavenly-so enjoyable and relaxing. After the spa, I decided to go for a walk on the beach. The sun was setting and it was cool out. A thunderstorm was forming over the ocean so there was a nice breeze. I walked for a couple of hours as I watched that sun set. It was beautiful and peaceful and relaxing.

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I wish I could say I came away with something profound from that walk but I did not. I wish I could say I felt renewed from this trip but those don’t feel like the right words. I do however feel like this trip was good and needed and a step in the new direction of my future. I just can’t embrace that yet though. And that’s ok.

 

 

14 thoughts on “Beautifully Weird

  1. After my separation and subsequent divorce, I had to learn how to do things as a single person. It was just as you described: lonely and weird.
    You are stepping out one adventure at a time and encouraging all of us who are trying to encourage you! ❀️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Jen,
    I too am glad you went. Doing things alone is not going to be easy as you navigate this journey, but you will amaze yourself at how strong you can be. You are so brave and your testimony is a blessing to many. I am so proud of you for taking this step toward self care and healing. You are in my prayers daily and I can’t wait to see you in August. I love you.

    Lulu

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I think I can imagine myself doing exactly this and feeling exactly the same way. About everything. A great reminder, too, from the valet, about how deeply our attention/inattention can affect others. I applaud your observations and your honesty and courage to share them. What a gift! Welcome home.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’ve been going at it alone for awhile now. Traveling on my own, doing new things on my own. I wish I had someone to share it with. I’m glad you did for awhile and so profoundly sad you don’t now.

    Like

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