The beach is my happy place. So are the mountains. I’m always torn because I love both. Todd preferred the mountains but we had some magical times at the beach with and without the kids.
Over the last few months, I have been encouraged to take time for myself. To take care of myself. It’s been hard and something I have to be intentional about because it doesn’t come naturally. The last few months have been so incredibly hard for many, many reasons. Of course, my heart hurts so intensely and some days that pain is crippling. I am the sole person responsible for taking care of our children and helping them to navigate life without their dad. Sometimes that responsibility feels so very heavy and I can feel very much alone not having my “other half” to help me parent. Don’t get me wrong, they are an absolute blessing and I wouldn’t trade them for the world but parenting is hard work.
So this week is all about me. I am at the airport about to board a plane so I can spend the next 4 days on the beach. Alone. By myself. Solo. Party of 1. What??
In some ways to say that is incredibly scary. Alone. I’ve never done a vacation alone before. Am I going to hate it? Is it going to make missing Todd worse? Is it going to be too boring? Who will I talk to?
But in other ways it is very exciting. I am getting away to refresh my soul. I will get to choose what I want to do, when I want to do it. Sleep late, get up early, eat what I want and when I want, do nothing, do everything. Whatever I choose. I can focus solely on me. I don’t think I’ve ever really done that before.
I think I may have a mixture of all of these thoughts and feelings. And that’s ok. I probably will love it and hate it. I probably will spend most of it missing Todd and thinking about how much fun we would have together. But I’ll also probably have fun by myself too. I am really ok with it being boring because life has been a little too “exciting” lately. I know me… I’ll talk to anyone who will listen mostly likely but I also know I’ll spend time talking with Todd and with Jesus.
I am looking forward to the time to clear my head, connect with myself and spend time with Jesus.
So I am going to the beach. Alone.