How am I doing? That’s the question I get ask on an almost daily basis. My friends and family ask because they love me and care about me, but the answer is so complicated. Minute by minute and hour by hour things can change. It’s so incredibly complicated to answer. There are good days where I only cry once or not at all. Then there are the bad days that I can’t seem to move out of my bed. Our bed that is now just my bed. In our room that is now just my room. It’s so hard.
This question along with so many others is complicated. So I respond with,”ok.” I don’t know what else to say.
Over the past 5 weeks since I lost Todd, life has refused to settle down. I find my days fluctuate between incredibly busy and so empty I feel absolutely lost. When my days are full, I feel a level of stress that is very new to me. I feel overwhelmed and frustrated that I’m so “busy” there is no time to grieve. But when the days are empty, I feel so lonely. And lost. And there hasn’t seemed to be a happy medium yet.
Five weeks. That’s all it’s been. How is that even possible?